A Mitt Full Of Shit

from The Heretik

Campaign 2006, Part 1: Talkin' Out The Side Of Your Neck

I saw an interview with Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney last night on FOX News. Apparently Romney, who is a lame duck in Massachusetts, is about to announce that he will be running for President in 2008. At this point one should assume he will be just one of many, many candidates to throw their hat in the ring in the time leading up to the election itself.

Romney has an interesting biography. His father was George Romney, former governor of Michigan and CEO of American Motors in Detroit. For anyone too young to remember, long-defunct American Motors gave us legitimate 1970's muscle cars like the Javelin and AMX, as well as some of the worst looking and running vehicles in the history of the combustion engine; like the AMC Gremlin, or the awesomely designed AMC Pacer.

A side view really doesn't do the Pacer justice, except to emphasize just how low to the ground it was. A man of average height standing next to one would find the top of the roof coming up to midway between his belt and his chest. From above one would notice the car seemed exceptionally wide, and also that it probably had more square inches of exposed window than any other car on the road at that time. I knew a couple of sisters who shared one when we were in school, and they called it their "rolling terrarium."

My best friend in high school, Jimmy S------, lived just down the street from me. All through junior high school, and our freshman year and part of our sophomore year of high school, we had to get up before dawn each morning in order to catch a school bus that came by our stop at 7:00 A.M. but most days somehow only managed to deliver us to our school (about 5 miles away) right around 8:00, about the time the first bell rang.

We would often talk about the day we turned 16, and how we would drive to school instead of having to stand around on a busy street corner with a bunch of other kids at an ungodly hour, waiting for a bus. Instead of listening to a bunch of puerile high school gossip and dumb chatter, we would turn up the stereo really loud and meditate along our way (neither of us were big talkers, especially prior to 8:00 A.M.)

I would turn 16 first, and prior to that my dad had been letting me drive him everywhere (with my 'learner's permit'.) He was real laid back about it, didn't criticize anything I did on the fly or harangue me or anything. Truth is, I was a pretty good driver from the start. If I did anything seriously wrong, he would mention it after we arrived wherever we were going, in even tones.

"You might try squaring off your left turns instead of cutting across the bow of the car in the opposite lane. Just go straight forward for a second before you begin to turn the wheel to the left."

"OK, dad."

"You'll be fine."

He had a friend who sold cars, and we had picked out a 1969 Chevrolet Impala for me. A real tank, with solid chrome bumpers that weighed a couple hundred pounds each. I wouldn't officially get it until my birthday, but I was able to have it repainted (white) and have a stereo installed, AM/FM and an 8-track player, beforehand. In other words, I was all set.

My buddy and I decided I would drive him to school each morning, and then when he got his license and his own sled a few months later, we would take turns driving each other to school and back weekly. It was a good plan, and it worked for awhile. On his 16th birthday, Jimmy got a used AMC Gremlin, metallic green with white racing stripes. He put in an 8-track player as well, and I'll never forget our inaugural commute to school in that glowing green monument to 1970s American engineering and design, Styx blasting on the 8-track, Jimmy and I passing a spliff back and forth. . . either that weed was really strong, or maybe it was just the rewarding feeling of knowing we had achieved a dream and had been delivered from the scheduling idiosyncrasies of our greasy-haired and mostly toothless bus driver. Whichever, I had a buzz all day long that day.

Of course, we were both driving cars that were pretty well used up by the time we got them, so there were problems here and there. I never could get the heater in my Impala to work properly, for one. In this part of the world, that is not a major problem most of the time. But I do remember during the one or two weeks a year when it was really cold driving to school while literally freezing, rubbing my hands together when I could, wiping the inside of the fogged-up windshield with a rag, blowing hoary frost with each breath. . . and I was inside the car.

Jimmy's Gremlin broke down after the initial few months, and basically never ran for more than a week at a time after that. It turns out that aside from being one of the oddest-looking domestic market cars I'd ever seen (it looked like the designer was working on his model, got the front half of the body done, and then set it down to go to lunch or somewhere and never got back to it) , the Gremlin was well-known for running poorly, if at all. My friend nursed that thing along for a year or two, until he finally decided to hit the silk and take his losses. He traded his AMC rolling piece of crap in for a black Grand Am that ran (and looked) much better. Still, I kind of remember that Gremlin with fondness. Of course, I didn't have to own it.

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Somehow I have gone far afield here. I do remember Mitt Romney's dad vaguely; George Romney was a fixture in mainstream Republican politics for some time in the 1960s and 1970s. Recognition-wise, he was something akin to what John McCain is now, maybe a bit less well-known nationally. He ran for president in 1968, as a moderate, and had his ass handed to him by Richard Nixon in the Republican primaries. Romney pere was also a devout Mormon who was born in northern Mexico, where his parents had fled after Utah outlawed polygamy. Despite his faith, he was known for getting down and dirty with the auto unions, especially the Mafia-run Teamsters, at contract time and for usually coming away with a deal favorable to the car companies.

His son went to Brigham Young and Harvard and then got into selling investments. Mitt Romney founded an investment firm and got rich, and decided to run for the Senate in Massachusetts in 1994. This was in the middle of the famous Republican takeover of the Congress, the Contract with America, etc. Romney figured his opponent, Ted Kennedy, was a flaming liberal and long-time bogeyman to conservatives everywhere, and would be at his most vulnerable at that point.

In a way, Romney was right. Kennedy rolled over him 58-42, yes; but it was the smallest margin Kennedy had been re-elected by in some time. Romney licked his wounds, and came back to be elected Governor of Massachusetts in 2002. He has been making noise since 2004 about running for president.

Romney has some allure because he is basically unknown and an outsider nationally, and he has also acquired a bit of the aura of an enlightened conservative - not moderate - Republican. I do not know how he got the latter, because he is anti-everything right down the line, and appears to be edging more to the right as he gears up his campaign. Still, I was interested to see his interview on FOX, because I don't know that I'd ever heard him speak about anything before, and I was curious how he would 'come off' on camera as opposed to any prior impressions I had from simply reading about him.

Right away, the interview was a letdown. Romney may be an upstart or an outsider, but he has been around politics long enough to master the "good looking guy with not much substance" approach. The soon-to-be candidate was impeccably dressed and groomed, wearing an expensive suit and power tie; he is youngish-looking for his age (he is actually 59, and I am guessing colors his hair) and clear speaking. The initial visual impression is a strong one, and I suppose Romney and his people are hoping this will cause voters to overlook the fact that the candidate answers reporters questions in the slickest, most condescending, evasive, mealy-mouthed, talking-a lot-but-say-nothing style we have seen in some time. It took about ten seconds to form the impression that the man is not overburdened with deep thoughts or reflection or substance.

When asked about his Mormonism and if that might not affect popularity with voters, Romney seemed to be trying to align himself somehow with the religious right, saying to the reporter, "The full name of my church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you know?" This was said in a very condescending way. I am surprised the reporter did not reply, equally condescendingly, "You are aware that the religious right considers Mormonism a non-Christian cult, aren't you?" But then, this was FOX News. Too bad.

It is entirely possible my initial impression of Romney is wrong. I hope so, because I have been looking forward to 2008 for awhile now. With Bush gone and no clear heir-apparent type in either party, the campaign and primaries leading up to the general election should be fascinating, with all kinds of new faces bobbing up here and there on both sides, giving our national politics and injection of new people and dare I say new ideas it really, really needs. I hope Mitt Romney and his handlers figure out neither the 'bullshit your way through the primaries' strategy nor the 'outsider come to clean up Washington' strategy will likely work too well this time. I hope Romney comes into this with something to add, rather than just looking for something to take away for himself. By now, none of us should be too picky about where the answers come from or who is the bearer of them, as long as we get them from somewhere. Even after being monumentally turned off by him last night, I guess I still harbor a hope that Mitt Romney will be worthy of playing a part in the great show that the 2008 elections are shaping up to be.

In other words, let's hope Mitt Romney is a Javelin. And not a Gremlin.